Meaningful Relationships

Posted on by

submitted by
Amy Wix
MCTM VP for Junior High / Middle School

“Think of the best teacher you have ever known.  Name this teacher.  Then list 3 characteristics that describe what this person contributed or contributes to your life as a student or colleague.” (p. 19) This is one of the reflective heartprints Tim Kanold has you think about in his book HEART!  Fully Forming Your Professional Life as a Teacher and Leader.  Twice in the past few weeks I have been in a discussion based on this heartprint- once in a PLC Leaders meeting and once with my middle school Math PLC. An observation I found interesting is that for most of the people who responded, the “best teacher” was more often than not an elementary school teacher or a specialist (choir, Spanish, coach etc.)  

Why are these teacher standing out?  Maybe these classes are easier to develop the positive relationships Marzanno talks about in his article.  The lines that stand out for me are the following:  “Perhaps the most powerful message from the research is that relationships are a matter of student perception. They have little to do with how a teacher actually feels about students; it’s what teachers do that dictates how students perceive those relationships.”

So how do we build those relationships with our middle schoolers?  Let’s face it- their personalities can change by the hour sometimes!  Here are a few things I’ve tried- some are the obvious types, others are stolen from #MTBOS  folks that are so willing to share.

  • Greeting at the door.  I always try and greet my classes as they are coming in the door.  I remember one afternoon I was trying to finish up an email quick before class started and a student came into the room before I was done.  After a couple of seconds she asked me if I was feeling okay. I was surprised by the question and said, “Yes, why do you ask?” and she said “Because you always greet us at the door.”  Wow!  That was an eye opener for me- I didn’t realize that the students notice that.  I now make it a point to be outside my door every hour.  
  • Fist bump on the way out.  One of the things I love about middle schoolers is that you can give them an idea and they run with it.  At the end of the first day of school  I  tell my students that as a parent I always hated it when my boys would come home from 8 hours at school and when I asked them what they learned that day their response was always… and the students fill in with “nothing.”  So, as they prepare to leave I tell them their ticket out the door is to practice an answer for their parents.  They give me a fist bump  and tell me something they learned that day.  I love the variety of responses- a new artist, a comment about growth mindset, a new song in band, their schedule, etc.  After the first few days I change up the request and pretty soon they are suggesting the ticket out the door topic (favorite book, a tv show they watch, and last week with our enjoyable Minnesota weather- favorite thing to do in the snow.)  
  • Structure and routine.  Middle schoolers like to know what to expect.  Starting with an Estimation 180 or Which One Doesn’t Belong sets the tone for the class- it gets students talking and thinking like mathematicians.
  • Chris Sieling blogged about an activity he does at the beginning of the year. I thought it looked cool and tried it out.  They take an online “strengths” assessment based on the 8 Multiple Intelligences and create a slideshow highlighting their strengths.  They leave their name out of it and then a couple are shown at the end of class and the students try and guess who it is.  My students love it!
  • Get to know them– especially their name!  Learning names is something that is hard for me. I use to circle them in last year’s yearbook and study their pictures.  This year I found what I think is my silver bullet.  I’ve used Sara VanDerWerf’s name tent activity for a couple of years.  This year I quickly snapped a picture of each student holding their name tent. I would flash through the pictures multiple times a day and I was able to learn their names this year faster than ever.  I also responded to their comments and questions each day (I know ALL ABOUT their pets!).  On the final day I collect the name tags and review the questions and comments a few weeks and again a few months down the road so I can refresh my memory and strike up some more personal conversations.
  • Be real, admit mistakes, use appropriate humor. I love it when one of the students catches me making a mistake- I make a big deal out of it in class and now lots of them are trying to catch my mistakes.  
  • Attend outside activities– This one has gotten easier for me as I have become an empty-nester.  Taking the time to go to the boys’ football game early in the year pays off big!  If I’m lucky I can make one trip and see two teams.  I’m not a big fan of football, but I understand enough to be able to cheer and wince at the correct time during the game. It’s much easier to attend the volleyball and basketball games since they are in the gym on my way out of school.  As I’m writing this on a Saturday night I’m  trying to figure out how I’m going to squeeze in a quick visit to a cheer competition tomorrow- some of my students have been telling me about it for weeks!  The school play is coming up in a few weeks and we have a large number of students investing a lot of time into the performance.
  • Oh Well.  This is one of the best things I do- mostly for myself. I was at a conference once and the speaker was talking about stress management. I was a middle school EBD teacher at the time and I showed it to my students.  A few weeks later, as I was obviously stressed, one of the students looked at me, said “Oh-well Mrs. Wix.” and shrugged.  Here is how it goes-slowly raise your shoulders all the way up towards the ceiling, now push them as far as you can and drop them.  Go ahead- try it a couple of times.  Now,  when you do it this last time- you say “oh” on the shoulder raise and “well” on the drop. Doesn’t that feel good? Most of the things that cause frustration are not really that big a deal.  I ask- will this matter in 5 years? 5 months? 5 weeks? 5 days? 5 minutes?  If not, oh-well!   

So, back to my heartprint.  I did share about a high school math teacher.  Mr. Brown.  I remember how he joked with us, asked us about our volleyball games and tennis matches.  I remember he was very innovative with his teaching style- trying out things other teachers would never consider.  I remember learning Basic and Fortran on the brand new TI computers that were just installed in school and how he would have to travel to downtown Tucson to the mainframe computer to enter our punch cards for printouts so we could find and correct our errors.  I especially remember how a group of us sought him out and he willing gave us help during his prep period the following year when the teacher we had wasn’t able to help us understand the math.  Maybe Mr. Brown wasn’t purposefully developing relationships with us.  Maybe as Marzanno stated,  we as students just perceived it that way.  My goal as a teacher is to not only help my students learn the math skills they need, but to be what Mr. Brown was to me- someone who built good relationships, made it fun to come to class and motivated to learn.

So who was or is the best teacher you have ever known? What can you add to the list for building community in our classrooms?